Grandma cancels pool trip with her 7 grandchildren due to 8-year-old grandson's misbehavior, angers his mother: 'The group punishment made him unliked by the other kids'

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Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jun 28, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

We all know the feeling of being punished for someone else's misdeeds. When you're an adult, it manifests more subtly, like wondering, "Who ruined this for everyone?" when you see a particular rule. But when you're a child, the Geneva Convention need not apply. It takes one kid being just enough of a stinker to ruin an entire experience. You will never forget being unable to go to field day because one kid in your class would not stop misbehaving. I was never the kid who caused such punishments, but if you were one, I would think you'd think twice the next time you acted out. 

Whether you believe in collective punishment or not, you've got to admit they're effective. One grandma put her foot down and canceled a pool trip with her grandkids because one of them was constantly misbehaving, and despite this punishment's efficacy, the mother of the child disagreed with the method. 

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  • 02
    AITA for not siding with my wife and agreeing with my mother after she did a group punishment that made my middle child unliked by the other kids
    via u/ExternalImportant110
  • 03
    My mother babysit almost all of the grandkids three times a week in the summer. I am very grateful she does this and it saves us a ton of money. In total she watches about 7 kids, and one of those kids is my middle child son, Jamie.
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  • 04
    Jamie is a lot sometimes. He is 8 years old, and compared to his younger sister he is less behaved. My mother has talked to my wife and I multiple times about him. She has done recommended time outs. Overall he doesn't behave much better after them. We have both talked to him about it but no improvement.
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  • 05
    This is the issue, my mom was going to take all the kids to the pool with my dad. Jamie would not stop goofing around. Running around, grabbing the other kids pool stuff and in general being loud/annoying. My mom told him if he didn't stop then no one would be going to the pool. He didn't stop and she hold true to her word. The rest of the day all of the kids were mad at him.
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    I picked them both up and she informed me above what happened. Mom told me he behaved the rest of the day after that. Jamie was very upset about no one liking him, the kids basically ignored him. Even my youngest was him. I off at
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  • 07
    My mother told me that he needs to learn his actions affect other people and I agree with her. I am 100 percent fine with her using social dynamics to get him to behave. It also seemed to work, she plans to take the kids to pool on Friday.
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  • 08
    I told my wife what happened and she is that my other did this. We had an agruement and she thinks i am being a huge_ for agreeing with my mom.
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    Belt-Sanded- .19 hr. ago ΝΤΑ Your wife is going to raise a brat if she has her way. And her darling child is likely to be even more alone of his behvaior isn't corrected.
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    ExternalImportant110 OP · 19 hr. ago I am hoping that this works, he was quite upset with the other kids being mad at him. I remember most kids didn't like the class clown by the end of the year. I don't want him going down the route
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    Belt-Sanded- 19 hr. ago Class clowns in my school district were dealt with on an individual basis. There's no way my Mother would have tolerated the entire class being punished.
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    But there's a big difference between a Grandmother watching a group of kids for free/cheap and a classroom full of kids. There's different ways to deal with these things and they don't always work in the same settings.
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    Comprehensive-Bad219 - 17 hr. ago Exactly I'm totally against group punishments, but in this case just on a practical level they can't be safetly supervising the other kids at the pool if there are only 2 adults there and one of them has to be on top of him the whole time because he's acting so wild.
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    BigComfyCouch4 - 17 hr. ago Yeah, group punishment is a bad idea, in general. But she's one grandma with seven kids. She couldn't take six to the pool and leave an eight year old behind. And Jamie wasn't going to behave. So grandma didn't have any other options.
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    Dangerous-WinterElf. 18 hr. ago I would use this approach when talking to your wife. Ask her what she will do when it's a classroom, and he has no friends because his behavior and lack of understanding about actions and consequences. Would she go scold all the other parents? The teachers? The older they get. The less disruptive behavior will be tolerated.
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    Some might pull out "well he could have ADHD" or "boys are just active," etc. But to me (having one really, really active kid) no matter the reason, it's just even more important to teach them that there are a time and place to use that energy. And be mindful of others.
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    Babziellia 17 hr. ago NTA. Congratulations! Your mother figured out Jamie's "currency"! USE IT. No child is the same, as in, one discipline (i.e., timeout) doesn't work for every child. As a parent, the hardest part about discipline is figuring out what works on each child. I'm guessing Jamie likes the attention he gets from his "bad behavior" because he wants to be included and whatnot. Now that everyone is shunning him, he's learning that isn't the way to go. The next step in parenting is figu
    via u/Babziellia
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    OutAndDown27 · 18 hr. ago As a teacher who works with challenging students sometimes, try the opposite as well: Jamie, if you make it the whole morning without [pick one big irritating behavior], we can ALL go out for ice cream.
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    gordonf23 19 hr. ago NTA. It was a brilliant punishment, TBH. And you can't argue with results. Peer pressure is a powerful tool. It keeps adults' behavior in check as well. And part of every parent's task is to figure out how to motivate their children. Time-outs might work for some children, but they certainly don't work on your son. Now you know what DOES work. You're not required to side with your wife simply because you're married to her--especially in a private argument.
    via u/gordonf23

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family drama babysitter mother grandma pool punished babysitting swimming pool dad pools punishment grandson grandmother mom cousins son cousin
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